IT WAS THE CHRISTMAS SEASON OF 1963 IN ENGLAND, AND THE BEATLES WERE ALREADY THE BIGGEST MUSICAL STARS IN THE HISTORY OF BRITISH ENTERTAINMENT. AND SO IT WAS, THE BOYS AGREED TO STAR IN THE BEATLES CHRISTMAS SHOWS OF 1963 AT THE ASTORIA CINEMA IN FINSBURY PARK, LONDON.
THE CHRISTMAS SHOWS HAD BEEN ARRANGED BY THEIR MANAGER, BRIAN EPSTEIN, AND INCLUDED SEVERAL OF HIS OTHER ACTS INCLUDING BILLY J. KRAMER AND THE DAKOTAS, TOMMY QUICKLY AND CILLA BLACK.
THESE SHOWS WERE, QUITE POSSIBLY, THE ODDEST PERFORMANCES OF THE BEATLES' CHECKERED AND STORIED CAREER.THE CHRISTMAS SHOWS WERE ALREADY A COMPLETE SELL-OUT, 100,000 TICKETS HAD SOLD LIKE HOTCAKES. FINANCIALLY, THE SHOWS WERE A GUARANTEED SMASH HIT, BUT ON AN ARTISTIC LEVEL, WELL, THAT IS ANOTHER STORY.
THE TRADITIONAL BRITISH CHRISTMAS SHOWS ALWAYS INCLUDED A PANTOMIME. WE DIDN'T LIKE DOING PANTOMIME, SAID GEORGE, SO WE DID OUR OWN SHOW, MORE OR LESS LIKE A POP SHOW, BUT WE KEPT APPEARING EVERY FEW MINUTES DRESSED UP...FOR A LAUGH.
THE BASIC OUTLINE WAS: THE BEATLES PERFORM A FEW SONGS, GO OFFSTAGE AND DRESS UP IN RIDICULOUS COSTUMES WHILE THE OTHER GROUPS ON THE BILL PERFORM, AND THEN THE BOYS PERFORM A CORNY SKIT, A FLUFF "MELODRAMA".
AFTER THE SKIT ENDED, THE BEATLES WOULD AGAIN RUN BACKSTAGE, TAKE OFF THE HOKEY OUTFITS AS OTHER ACTS FILLED IN, AND COME BACK ONSTAGE TO PERFORM THE SHOW'S FINALE.
"I'M CHANGING THE CONCEPT OF PANTOMIME", THE SHOW'S DIRECTOR, PETER YARROW, HAD SAID. THE CASTING, AT LEAST, WAS INSPIRED. JOHN LENNON WAS SIR JASPER, THE VILLAIN, COMPLETE WITH BLACK CAPE AND HOKEY BLACK MUSTACHE. PAUL MCCARTNEY WAS THE GOOD GUY - FEARLESS PAUL, THE SIGNALMAN. GEORGE HARRISON PLAYED THE GIRL-IN-DISTRESS, INCLUDING A FEMININE SCARF WORN OVER HIS HEAD. AND RINGO STARR WAS THE ONLY REAL PANTOMOME IN THE SKIT, HE PLAYED THE "SPECIAL EFFECTS". RINGO WOULD BE "RAIN" OR "SNOW" OR WHATEVER EFFECT WAS NEEDED IN THE SKETCH. FOR INSTANCE, AS "SNOW", RINGO WOULD REACH IN A CONTAINER AND THROW SNOWFLAKES ALL OVER THE STAGE AND ACTORS - YOU GET THE IDEA.
THE BASIC PLOT OF THE SKIT WAS SIR JASPER (JOHN) KIDNAPPING THE HELPLESS GIRL (GEORGE) AND TYING HER (HIM?) TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS, BEFORE FEARLESS PAUL (PAUL) COMES IN AND SAVES HER (HIM).
ALL THE WHILE, RINGO AS "SPECIAL EFFECTS" IS ADDING "RAIN", "SNOW" AND VARIOUS HUMOROUS EFFECTS.
THE MUSICAL PART OF THE CHRISTMAS SHOW WAS, AS EXPECTED, A SMASH, AND THE BEATLES GAMELY DID PERFORM THEIR REQUIRED SKETCH WITH AS MUCH APLOMB AS THEY COULD MUSTER UP, BUT THE SKIT WAS MARRED BY THE SCREAMING GIRL FANS IN THE CROWD. NONE OF THE BOY'S DIALOUGE COULD EVEN BE HEARD. THE SKETCH WAS SO HOKEY, SOMETIMES MALES IN THE AUDIENCE WOULD ACTUALLY HECKLE THE BEATLES.
(THERE IS ACTUALLY FOOTAGE OF THE BEATLES BEING HECKLED AT ONE SHOW DURING THE SKIT AND JOHN LENNON SHOUTING SHUT UP! TO THE HECKLERS).
THE BEATLES WERE NEVER MUCH FOR REHEARSALS, SAID TONY BARROW, THEIR P.R. MAN. THAT NEVER REALLY MATTERED AS FAR AS THE SONGS WERE CONCERNED, BUT THE FACT THAT THEY WERE SO BAD AT DOING THE SKETCHES WAS AN ADDED EXTRA FOR THE SHOW - IT WAS ORGANIZED CHAOS, BUT IT WAS VERY FUNNY CHAOS.
THE CHRISTMAS SHOW, STRANGELY, BEGAN ON CHRISTMAS EVE 1963. THEN, THE BEATLES WERE ALL FLOWN HOME TO THEIR FAMILIES TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS THE NEXT DAY. AFTER THAT, THE SHOWS CONTINUED THROUGH JANUARY 11 OF 1964.
LET'S FACE IT, SAID PAUL, THEY WOULD HAVE LAUGHED IF WE HAD JUST SAT THERE AND READ THE LIVERPOOL TELEPHONE DIRECTORY.
BECAUSE IT WAS NEW TO THEM, SAYS PETE LANGFORD, WHO, AS A MEMBER OF THE BARRON KNIGHTS, WAS ON IN THE SHOWS WITH THEM, THEY DIDN'T MAKE A FUSS. BUT AS THE RUN WENT ON, I THINK THEY REALIZED IT WASN'T REALLY WORKING. THEY WANTED TO BE SONGWRITERS AND POP STARS, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE ACTORS.
AMAZINGLY, EVEN AFTER THESE VERY STRANGE SHOWS, THE BEATLES AGAIN AGREED TO DO ANOTHER BEATLES CHRISTMAS SHOW IN 1964. THESE INCLUDED, OF COURSE, ANOTHER SERIES OF JUVENILE SKITS. AT THIS TIME, THE BEATLES WERE WORLD FAMOUS SUPERSTARS. ONE HAS TO WONDER WHY THEY CONSENTED TO REPRISING THESE HOKEY SHOWS AT A TIME WHEN THEY WERE SO POWERFUL.
THE MONEY WAS VERY GOOD, BUT BY THIS TIME THEY CERTAINLY DIDN'T "NEED THE MONEY". AT THE 1964 CHRISTMAS SHOWS, JOHN WORE A BLONDE GIRL'S WIG WITH PIGTAILS. PAUL AND GEORGE EACH WORE VICTORIAN OUTFITS. AND RINGO WORE A LION'S COSTUME, A LION'S MANE DRAPED AROUND HIS HEAD.
AGAIN, THE SHOWS WERE A HUGE COMMERCIAL SUCCESS, BUT THIS SERIES OF CHRISTMAS SHOWS WAS, TO NO ONE'S GREAT SURPRISE, THE END OF THE BEATLES' CAREER AS "ALL-AROUND FAMILY ENTERTAINERS".
IN AUGUST OF 1965, THE UPCOMING LONDON "CHRISTMAS SHOWS" WERE ANNOUNCED. THE SHOWS AGAIN INCLUDED MANY OF THE ACTS IN BRIAN EPSTEIN'S STABLE OF MUSICAL TALENT. THE 1965 SHOW WAS TO FEATURE THE SKITS CINDERELLA, MOTHER GOOSE AND LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. ONE CAN EASILY IMAGINE WHAT THE BOYS SAID WHEN THEY HEARD THIS. LET'S JUST SAY THAT WHEN JOHN TURNED DOWN THE OFFER, HIS LANGUAGE PROBABLY WAS NOT VERY POLITE.
