EddieDeezen.com

QUOTE OF THE DAY

A SUICIDE HOTLINE IS WHERE THEY TALK TO YOU UNTIL YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE KILLING YOURSELF.

EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF TELEMARKETING.

                              - WOODY ALLEN

QUOTE OF THE DAY

MY GRANDFATHER LIKES TO GIVE ME ADVICE, BUT HE'S A LITTLE FORGETFUL. ONE DAY, HE TOOK ME ASIDE AND LEFT ME THERE.

                         - STEVEN WRIGHT

QUOTE OF THE DAY

SOME PEOPLE THINK OF THE GLASS AS HALF FULL.

SOME THINK OF THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY.

I THINK OF THE GLASS AS TOO BIG.

                         - GEORGE CARLIN

QUOTE OF THE DAY

IN LOS ANGELES, THERE'S A HOTLINE FOR PEOPLE IN DENIAL. SO FAR NO ONE HAS CALLED...

                                - GEORGE CARLIN

QUOTE OF THE DAY

HOSTING THE OSCARS IS LIKE MAKING LOVE TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN - IT'S SOMETHING I ONLY GET TO DO WHEN BILLY CRYSTAL'S OUT OF TOWN.

                                 - STEVE MARTIN

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I WENT TO SAN FRANCISCO. I FOUND SOMEONE'S HEART.

                             - STEVEN WRIGHT

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I TELL YA, LIFE IS TOUGH. FOR YEARS I WAS GETTING A RINGING IN MY EARS. IT'S GETTING WORSE. NOW I'M GETTING BUSY SIGNALS.

                         - RODNEY DANGERFIELD

QUOTE OF THE DAY

THERE ARE TWO RULES FOR SUCCESS IN LIFE:

RULE 1 - DON'T TELL PEOPLE EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.

                            - PHIL PROCTOR

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I WAS RECENTLY BORN AGAIN. I MUST ADMIT, IT'S A GLORIOUS AND WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.

I CAN'T SAY MY MOTHER ENJOYED IT A WHOLE LOT.

                                - EMO PHILLIPS

QUOTE OF THE DAY

ACCORDING TO A RECENT STUDY PUBLISHED IN NEW CHOICES MAGAZINE, THE MORE HOUSEHOLD CHORES A HUSBAND DOES, THE MORE LIKELY HIS WIFE IS TO REPORT HAVING GOOD SEX.

THE ARTICLE EXPLAINS THAT WHEN A MAN DOES A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF HOUSEWORK IT GIVES HIS WIFE SOME TIME TO FIND A REAL MAN TO HAVE SEX WITH.

                               - NORM MACDONALD